My Love for You Is a Monotonically Increasing…

November 13, 2010 at 09:30 (mathematics, silly)

Just now I ran across a funny question over at Yahoo! Answers on mathematical pick-up lines, and I decided to pick out a few favourites (taken from Y!A and elsewhere):

  • My love for you is a monotonically increasing unbounded function. (I think in order to see this as funny you have to imagine somebody saying it with feeling.)
  • Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.
  • I don’t like my current girlfriend. Mind if I do a you-substitution?
  • I wish I were your problem set, because then I’d be really hard, and you’d be doing me on the desk.

Also worthy of mention:

  • Your lab bench, or mine?
  • Your mama’s so fat she has a proper subgroup isomorphic to herself.
  • I’m a fermata… hold me.

Last but not least, there is this gem:

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician are discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.”

The doctor says: “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.”

The mathematician says: “You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife — you can do some mathematics.”


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